Black Napkins

Central Scrutinizer :
We take you now to a garage in Canoga Park

Larry :
It makes its own sauce . . . if you add water

Joe :
It wasn't very large
There was just enough room to cram the drums
In the corner over by the Dodge
It was a fifty-four
With a mashed up door
And a cheesy little amp
With a sign on the front said
"Fender Champ"
And a second-hand guitar
It was a Stratocaster with a whammy bar

Larry :
We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin'
His dad was mad
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, 'n easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
All we did was bend the string like . . .

Hey!
Down in Joe's Garage
We didn't have no dope or LSD
But a coupla quartsa beer
Would fix it so the intonation
Would not offend yer ear
And the same old chords goin' over 'n over
Became a symphony
We could play it again 'n again 'n again
Cause it sounded good to me
One More Time !

We could jam in Joe's Garage
His mama was screamin',
"Turn it down !"
We was playin' the same old song
In the afternoon 'n sometimes we would
Play it all night long
It was all we knew, 'n easy too
So we wouldn't get it wrong
Even if you played it on a saxophone

We thought we was pretty good
We talked about keepin' the band together
'N we figured that we should
'Cause about this time we was gettin' the eye
From the girls in the neighborhood
They'd all come over 'n dance around like . . .

So we picked out a stupid name
Had some cards printed up for a coupla bucks
'N we was on our way to fame
Got matching suits
'N Beatle Boots
'N a sign on the back of the car
'N we was ready to work in a Go - Go Bar
One two three four
Let's see if you've got some more !

People seemed to like our song
They got up 'n danced 'n made a lotta noise
An' it wasn't 'fore very long
A guy from a company we can't name
Said we oughta take his pen
'N sign on the line for a real good time
But he didn't tell us when
These "good times" would be somethin'
That was really happenin'
So the band broke up
An' it looks like
We will never play again . . .

Joe :
Guess you only get one chance in life
To play a song that goes like . . .

Mrs Borg :
Turn it down !
Turn it down !
I have children sleeping here . . .
Don't you boys know any nice songs ?

Joe :
Well the years was rollin' by
Heavy Metal 'n Glitter Rock
Had caught the public eye
Snotty boys with lipstick on
Was really flyin' high
'N then they got that Disco thing
'N New Wave came along
'N all of a sudden I thought the time
Had come for that old song
We used to play in "Joe's Garage"
And if I am not wrong
You will soon be dancin' to the . . .

Central Scrutinizer :
The White zone is for loading and unloading only.
If you gotta load or unload, go to the White Zone. . .

Joe :
I said the years was rollin' by, yeah
The years was rollin' by . . .

Mrs Borg :
I'm calling the police !

Joe :
So the years was rollin' by . . .

Mrs Borg :
I did it!

Joe :
So the years was rollin' by . . .

Mrs Borg :
They'll be here . . . shortly !

Joe :
By, by, the years was rollin' by . . .

Officier Butzis :
This is the police...

Mrs Borg :
I'm not joking around anymore!

Officier Butzis :
Come out!
We have the garage surrounded

Joe :
The years was rollin' by . . .

Officier Butzis :
Give yourself up
We will not harm you
Or hurt you, neither

Joe :
I said the years was rollin' by . . .

Mrs Borg :
You'll see now !
There they are, they're coming !

Officier Butzis :
This is the Police
Give yourself up
We will not harm you

Joe :
The years was rollin' by . . .

Mrs Borg :
Listen to that mess, would you !

Officier Butzis :
This is the Police
Give yourself up
We have the garage surrounded

Mrs Borg :
Every day this goes on around here !

Joe :
The years was rollin' by . . .

Officier Butzis :
We will not harm you
Or maim you
(Swat Team 4, move in !)

Joe :
The years was rollin' by . . .

Mrs Borg :
He used to cut my grass . . .
He was a very nice boy . . .

Officier Butzis :
This is the Police
Come out with your hands up

Central Scrutinizer :
This is the Central Scrutinizer . . .
That was Joe's first confrontation with The Law.
Naturally, we were easy on him.
One of our friendly counselors gave him
A do-nut . . . and told him to
Stick closer to church-oriented social activities.

Frank Zappa - Joe's Garage Act I

Frank Zappa - Guitar

.

Some people's hot
Some people's cold
Some people's not very
Swift to behold
Some people do it
Some see right through it
Some wear pyjamas
If only they knew it

The pyjama people are boring me to pieces
Feel like I am wasting my time
They all got flannel up 'n down 'em
A little trap-door back aroun' 'em
An' some cozy little footies on their mind

Po-jama people!
Po-jama people, people !
They sure do make you sleepy
With the things they might say
Po-jama people !
Po-jama people, people!
Mother Mary 'n Jozuf, I wish they'd all go away !

Po-jama people!
It's a po-jama people special...
Take one home with you, save a dollar today
Po-jama people!
Po-jama people, people !
Wrap 'em up
Roll 'em out
Get 'em out of my way
Hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein
HOEY! HOEY! HOEY !
Wrap 'em up
Roll 'em out
Get 'em out of my way
Hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein
HOEY ! HOEY ! HOEY!
Wrap 'em up
Roll 'em out
Get 'em out of my way
Hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein nya-nya-hein
HOEY ! HOEY ! HOEY !

(Well...) now some people's hot
An' some people's cold
(Well, Lawd...) an' some people's not very
(Very) swift to behold (swifty !)
(I told you) some people do it (do it !)
(Yes, they do!) (No...)
Some see right through it
(See right through it !)
An' some wear PO-JAMAS
If only they knew it

The pyjama people are boring me to pieces
They make me feel like I am wasting my time
They all got flannel up 'n down 'em
A little trap-door back aroun' 'em
An' some cozy little footies on their mind

Po-jama people !
Po-jama people, people !
Lawd, they make you sleepy
With the things they might say (hey, yeah-hey...)
Po-jama people !
(Well . . . now) Po-jama people, people !
(I said) ARF ! ARF ! ARF !
I wish they'd all go away !

Po-jama people! (People!) (Oh, yeah)
Po-jama people special...
(I said, I said, I said)
Take one home with you, & save a dollar today
Po-jama people !
(It's a) Po-jama people, people ! (Special)
Wrap 'em up
An' roll 'em out
Get 'em out of my way
HOEY ! HOEY ! HOEY !
Wrap 'em up
An' roll 'em out
Get 'em out of my way
HOEY ! HOEY ! HOEY !
Wrap 'em up
Roll 'em out
Get 'em out of my way

Frank Zappa - One Size Fits All

Hey, now, hey !
Hey ! Do you know what you are ?
You're an asshole! Asshole !

Some of you might not agree
'Cause you probably likes a lot of misery
But think a while and you will see...
Broken hearts are for assholes
Broken hearts are for assholes
Are you an asshole ?
Broken hearts are for assholes
Are you an asshole too ?
Whatcha gonna do, 'cause you're an asshole...

No no no, yeah yeah yeah
I said
You... are... an asshole !

Maybe you think you're a lonely guy
'N maybe you think you're too tough to cry
So you went to The Grape,
Just to give it a try
And Dagmar
Without a doubt, the ugliest sonofabitch I've ever seen in my life
Was his name...
One Two Three Four !
The whiskers sticking out from underneath of his Pancake make-up
And yet he was a beautiful lady
Nearly drove you insane
Let's talk about Leather: Leatherrrr
And so you kissed a little sailor
Tex Abel, starring in the latest Shepperton Production:
Who had just blew in from Spain
"Sir Richard Pump-A-Loaf"
You sniffed the reeking buns of Angel
The tale of a demented bread-boffer
And acted like it was cocaine
Cucumber pud annexed to a fine whole-wheat loaf
You were dazzled by the exciting new costume of Ko-Ko
Then on Tuesday night, Ceasar's back in town
In a way you can't explain
Facing off in a no-holds-barred tag team grudge match
With Kona...
And so you worked the wall with Michael
Three-hundred and seventy-nine pounds of Samoan dynamite
Which gave your back an awful strain
Volcanic Hell
But you came back on Sunday for the gong shows
Next Thursday, teen town's finest
But you forgot what I was sayin'
'Cause you're an asshole, You're an asshole
That's right
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
Yes, yes
You're an asshole, you're an asshole
That's right
You're an asshole, you're an asshole

Well, now you been to The Grape, been to The Chest
Now I think you know what you are : you're an asshole

You say you can't live with what you've been through
Well, ladies you can be an asshole too
You might pretend you ain't got one on the bottom of you
But don't fool yerself girl
It's lookin' at you
Don't fool yerself girl
It's winkin' at you
Don't fool yerself girl
It's blinkin' at you
That's why I say
I'm gonna ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
Corn hole
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
Fist fuck
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
Wrist-watch : Crisco
Ram it, ram it, ram it
Ram it up yer poop chute
Pud !
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute

Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poop chute
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer poooop chute
Don't fool yerself, girl,
It's goin' right up yer...

Frank Zappa - Sheik Yerbouti

You know, your mama and your daddy
Saying I'm no good to you
They call me dirty from the alley
Till I don't know what to do
I get so tired of sneakin' around
Just to get to your back door
I crawled past the garbage and
Your mama jumped out, screamin'
"Don't come back no more"
I can't take it
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to burn your dad
I get real mean when it makes me mad

Later I tried to call you
Your mama told me you weren't there
She told me don't bother to call again
Unless I cut off all my hair
I get so tired of sneakin' around
Just to get to your back door
I crawled past the garbage and
Your mama jumped out, screamin'
"Don't come back no more"

Later I tried to call you
Your mama told me you weren't there
She told me don't bother to call again
Unless I cut off all my hair
I get so tired of sneakin' around
Just to get to your back door
I crawled past the garbage and
Your mama jumped out, screamin'
"Don't come back no more"
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to kill your mama
My guitar wants to burn your dad
I get real mean when it makes me mad

Frank Zappa - Weasels Ripped my Flesh

The Girl In The Magnesium Dress

You took a chance
(You took a chance)
On Jumbo's love
(On Jumbo's love)
If only she woulda
(If only she woulda)
Gave you the shove
(Gave you the shove)
That might have sent you
(That might have sent you)
On your way
(On your way)
But it's too late now,
(It's too late now)
You got a letter today...
(You got a letter today)
Well, life and love
Has left you shafted
And on top of that
You just got drafted
You just got drafted
(That's right !)
You just got drafted
(Even your sister !)
You just got drafted
(Hey, let's jam !)

You took a chance
(You took a chance)
On Jumbo's love
(On Jumbo's love)
If only she woulda
(If only she woulda)
Gave you the shove
(Gave you the shove)
That might have sent you
(That might have sent you)
On your way
(On your way)
But it's too late now
(It's too late now)
You got a letter today...
(You got a letter today)
Well, life and love
Has left you shafted
And of on top of that, hey-hey
You just got drafted
(To your left !) (Your right !)
You just got drafted
(Your left !) (Right, man!) (To your left !) (Your right !)
You just got drafted
(To your left !) (Right, man!) (To your left !) (Your right !)
You just got

Frank Zappa - You Are What You Is.

The Mammy Nuns ?...

Frank Zappa - Chunga's Revenge

A year ago today
Was when you went away
But now you come back knockin' on my door
And you say you're back to stay,
But I say...

Go cry
On somebody else's shoulder
I'm somewhat wiser now
And one whole year older
I sure don't need you now
And I don't love you
Anymore

You cheated me baby,
And told some dirty lies about me
Fooled around with all those other guys
That's why I had to set you free
I sure don't need you now
And I don't love you
Anymore

A year ago today
You went away
And now you come back cryin', cryin'
Darling, please, let me in
But I don't need you
No, I don't love you anymore
So go lean on... go cry on
Somebody else's door

Go cry
On somebody else's shoulder
I'm somewhat wiser now
And one whole year older
I sure don't need you now
And I don't love you
Anymore (Oh, my darling !)

Go ahead and cry
Go ahead and let the tears fall out of your eye
(Darling)
Let 'em fall on your dress
Who cares if it makes a mess ?
I gave you my high school ring
At the root beer stand
We had a teen-age love, baby
I thought it was sharp
It was really so grand... but

You cheated me baby
And told some dirty lies about me
Fooled around with all those other guys
That's why I had to get my khakis pressed
I sure don't need you now
And I don't love you
Anymore

(Ba-ay-by)
Baby, 
I love you so much, darling
(I, oh, I love you)
Why don't you dig me ?
(Ba-ay-by)
I... I dig you
But you don't dig me
(Oh, I need you)
I don't understand what it is
(Ba-ay-by)
I... I had my car re-upholstered
I got my hair processed
(Oh, I love you)
I got a nice pompadour job on it
(Oh, my baby)
I bought a new pair of shoes
(Oh, my love)
I got some new khakis and I met you
And we went out to get a Coca-Cola.

Frank Zappa / Ray Collins - Freak Out 

Frank Zappa - Conhead - 8 Septembre 1978 - Circus Krone - Munich

Hey there, people, I'm Bobby Brown
They say I'm the cutest boy in town
My car is fast, my teeth is shiney
I tell all the girls they can kiss my heinie
Here I am at a famous school
I'm dressin' sharp 'n I'm
Actin' cool
I got a cheerleader here wants to help with my paper
Let her do all the work 'n maybe later I'll rape her

Oh God I am the American dream
I do not think I'm too extreme
An' I'm a handsome sonofabitch
I'm gonna get a good job 'n be real rich
(Get a good, get a good, get a good, get a good job)

Women's Liberation
Came creepin' across the nation
I tell you people, I was not ready
When I fucked this dyke by the name of Freddie
She made a little speech then,
Aw, she tried to make me say when
She had my balls in a vice, but she left the dick
I guess it's still hooked on, but now it shoots too quick

Oh God I am the American dream
(P.U.)
But now I smell like Vaseline
An' I'm a miserable sonofabitch
Am I a boy or a lady... I don't know which
(I wonder wonder, wonder wonder)

So I went out 'n bought me a leisure suit
I jingle my change, but I'm still kinda cute
Got a job doin' radio promo
An' none of the jocks can even tell I'm a homo
Eventually me 'n a friend
Sorta of drifted along into S&M
I can take about an hour on the tower of power
'Long as I gets a little golden shower

Oh God I am the American dream
With a spindle up my butt till it makes me scream
An' I'll do anything to get ahead
I lay awake nights sayin', "Thank you, Fred !"
Oh God, Oh God, I'm so fantastic!
Thanks to Freddie, I'm a sexual spastic
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now; I'm goin' down,
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now; I'm goin' down,
And my name is Bobby Brown
Watch me now; I'm goin' down

Frank Zappa - Sheik Yerbouti

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